March 29, 2000
3:26am...
I woke up with a jolt. My heart was pumping and my adrenaline was
going. I had never woken up that way before. I lie there wondering
what had made me wake up like that and I listened to see if any of the
kids were up. A few moments later the phone rang, I had that sense
of dread that you get when your phone rings in the middle of the
night. I throw back the covers and get out of bed. As I walked down
the dark hallway toward the living room I thought to myself, who
would be calling at this time of the morning. I got to the phone and
voice mail had picked up. I looked at the caller id and didn't
recognize the number, so I thought it must have been the wrong
number, I turned around and started back down the hallway. Halfway
down the phone started ringing again; my blood ran cold and I knew
that it wasn't going to be good news. I turned around and went back
to answer the phone, not even prepared for the news that I was going
to get. I answered it and my brother Michael was on the other end of
the line. He said I am at Joanne's mobile home and it is on fire,
before I could ask if everyone was ok he delivered the devastating
news.
"No one got out!" I said, "what?" and he had to tell me 3 more times.
I had sank to the floor from the news, not remembering how I got
there or when but just knew that I was now on the floor. He told me
that I needed to call the rest of the family; I was incoherent for a
few seconds, then told him ok. He told me that he would call our
oldest brother William and give him the news. I hung up the phone and
wiped the tears that were streaming down my face. How could this be
happening? It had to be a terrible, terrible dream. Then I realized
that I had to call my sister June and tell her not only was our sister
and nieces and nephews gone, but her daughter was dead to. Please
God, don't let this be true, let me wake up. I didn't wake up, the
nightmare just got worse. I went to wake my husband Scott because I
really needed a hug and support. After about 5 minutes, I was
finally able to wake him up and told him the devastating news. He
freaked out on me and decided that he needed to be with my brother, I
was left alone to make the hardest phone calls I would ever have to
make.
I sat down on the couch and looked at the phone. Tears were again
rolling down my cheeks. I had to call my sister, but I had no idea
what I would say or how I would say it. Please God, give me the words
that will hurt her the least when I tell her. I was so sick to my
stomach that I felt like I was going to throw up any second. I picked
up the phone and dialed the number. The phone rang and rang, no
answer; there was no way that I could leave a message. I hung up,
waited a couple of seconds and dialed the number again. She answered
on the second ring, and she knew that something was going on. I
said, Michael just called me, he is at Joanne's, her mobile home is
on fire. She said ok, then I had to tell her that no one survived.
She said she was getting up, getting her husband up and they would be
on there way as soon as possible. I hung up the phone and just sat
there and cried. I knew how I felt getting the news, but to get the
news of my own child, I couldn't process it, I couldn't imagine how
that ripped her heart out over and over again. I then called my
niece Angela. The first time the phone rang and rang and I got no
answer, so I hung up and tried again. She answered it the second time
and I told her. She immediately started crying and that was pretty
much it for me too. We cried together for a few minutes and I tried
to tell her what I knew, she was determined that she was going to go
but her husband wouldn't let her, he got dressed and went and took
her car keys so she couldn't go. She told me that she would call her
mother and tell her, so I told her if she thought that was best then
to go ahead and do it. She did. I told her I was going to shower. I
couldn't stand just sitting there, I had to do something; so while
she was calling her mother, I went and showered and started scrubbing
my house.
I was in shock, and I knew that eventually I would have to wake my
children up and tell them. Something else that was going to be
devastating to do. I started laundry and turned on the tv wondering
if the story would make the news. So far it hadn't. The phone rang
and I jumped. I saw that it was my sister Nancy and I answered. Her
first words were, please tell me it isn't true. I told her that I
wished that I could, but it was true. She was crying also. I tried
to hold back so that I could help her through. I knew that I was
going to have to be strong and let people lean on me if needed. She
and I talked for a while and she was going to get dressed and wait for
her husband to get back from work and then they were going to come
over. It was around 6 am, and I knew that I needed to wake my
children and tell them before people started arriving at my house. I
went downstairs and woke the boys up and then went back upstairs to
wake the girls up. They all walked sleepily into the living room and
sat down. I told them I needed them to be awake, because I had
something that I needed to tell them. They all assured me that they
were awake. I looked at them and said, Michael called me this
morning and he was at Joanne's mobile home, it was on fire, and I
took a deep breath and looked at each one of them thinking to myself,
how are they going to be able to deal with this; they are so young.
I then said, no one got out of the home alive. They all looked at me
in shock, my daughters started crying and my sons just sat there. I
waited to see if they had questions or anything, and they didn't. I
will never forget the complete devastation on my children's faces when
they heard about Joanne and their cousins.
Around 5:30 am it was all over the news, people were calling me and
asking if it was Joanne. It was the hardest day that I have ever had
to live. I can't imagine doing it now, but somehow I did. Scott
called his mother and sent her over to "watch" me. I didn't need a
watcher, I needed someone to come in and take charge, I needed my
husband, but he was not there for me. People stopped by, they
didn't know what to say to me, I didn't know what to say to them. I
think the hardest part of my day was when my good friend Sharon
stopped by and hugged me, she was the first person since I got the
news that hugged me. I pretty much lost control for a minute, then
reigned it back in and talked to her. She asked how I was doing and I
just looked at her and said I was in shock, that it just didn't seem
real. I could not grasp what had happened, and knew that I wouldn't
for a very long time.
Scott finally got back home around 8:30 and said that everyone was
meeting over at a friend of Joanne's estranged husband David's house,
because it was close to Joanne's. He said that he would stay home
with the kids and he wanted me to go be with the rest of my family
there. I said ok, and my sister Nancy and her stepdaughter Denise
pulled up. We all went together and met my sister June and her
husband there, David was there and when he saw me he hugged me for a
long time. He had been given a sedative by someone and was doing
better than I expected him to be. There were many people there, some
I did and didn't know. It was such a surreal time. I remember being
there, but it didn't feel like I was really there. There was so much
to discuss and plan. We had to plan for 6 funerals, we lost 8 loved
ones, but Sarah and Jesse weren't married yet and her father took her
and Destiny back to Tennessee to be buried. I wanted them all to be
together, since he was the one that kicked her out when she became
pregnant. Sarah was 16, and Destiny was 11 weeks old. Joanne took
Sarah in when she found out that she was on her own, pregnant and
selling crack to support herself. Joanne was like that, she would
take in children and animals that were thrown away, she had a huge
heart and was very giving. She would give and give and give until she
had nothing else to give. She worked two jobs to support her children
and herself. She didn't receive much financial help from her
estranged husband.
The rest of that day passed with a blur. There were many people that
wanted to talk to us, preachers and pastor's from area churches and
the directors of funeral homes. We discussed what we wanted and how
we wanted them to be remembered. We were so blessed with all that was
donated, there was an angel fund set up because Joanne collected
angels, and she took care of all the stray cats that were in the park
where she lived. Some were captured and taken to the animal shelter
and immediately adopted when people learned where they were from. We
were very thankful for those people. During the time that all the
different people were talking to us my sisters and I did ask
questions. We wanted to know if we could have any type of music that
we wanted, and if cd's would be ok. We got a resounding yes,
anything we wanted would be fine with them. Little did we know that
we would have to fight for everything that we wanted.
When I got home that evening I was met by my daughter Saundra who I
could tell needed me. I felt bad that I hadn't been there for her all
day. She had gotten a letter from Melissa in the mail that day. She
had cried so much after she got that letter that she had busted the
blood vessels in both her eyes. I was extremely concerned, but after
doing some research, I knew that it was from crying and stress and
that they would clear up after a couple of days. She wanted me to
read the letter, which had pictures of Jesse, Sarah and Destiny
enclosed. I cried and shook as I read it and it was such a sweet
letter, and I knew that Saundra would cherish it for the rest of her
life. She had something that the rest of us weren't lucky enough to
have, a little piece of Melissa that she could hold. Jennifer and
Nicole wrote letters to each other and Melissa wanted her and Saundra
to do the same each day to keep in touch and be able to share more
that way. I went into my room for a few minutes and prayed and asked
God why this was happening, I never blamed God, or got mad at Him,
I know that things happen; and we may never understand why those
things happen; but we have to go through them to get to the other
side, and most of the time while walking forward through the pain and
agony we will become better, stronger human beings and hopefully we
will be able to somehow help others through hard times.
I went in the bathroom and washed my face and then went back into the
living room, not even realizing that people were there. Scott's
sister in law Rachel had came by to see us and some friends stopped
by to see how we were. A friend of Melissa's; that lived in the
neighborhood; came by and she made everyone cry. She started talking
about how wonderful a friend Melissa was, and how generous and giving
and she just started crying and when she lost control, it took
everything that I had to not do the same. I got up and hugged her and
thanked her for coming by. I told her that it meant a lot to me and
the kids that she took the time and effort to come see us. Then two
of Scott's nieces dropped by and stared at me, like they were waiting
for me to lose total control of myself and fall apart. The whole time
the phone never stopped ringing. It was a good thing I had call
waiting, I got one phone call on top of another for hours.
I didn't sleep much that night, I tried, but there were just too
many thoughts and feelings going on inside me. I got up and sat in
the living room with my Chihuahua Dylan and my cat Jewel and sobbed
from the pain and from not knowing how I was going to get through the
next few days and the rest of my life without my sister Joanne; my
best friend, and nieces and nephews that I loved like they were my
own. I was in a cloud and I wasn't sure how to get out. As I sat and
watched the sun rise I felt such an overwhelming sense of peace, and
I knew that it had to be from God. I was totally devastated from the
day before, but the peace I felt was indescribable, and it was a
good thing, because I needed that peace to get through the day.
I took a shower, got dressed and walked into the living room. It was
around 8 am, and the phone started ringing, it was going to be
another one of those days where it didn't stop. My sister's June and
Nancy and I had to find clothes for everyone that morning, pick up
cd's of music that we didn't have and order flowers. June and I
headed to the flower shops, while Nancy and our brother Michael went
to Kmart and were told that whatever we picked out from the clearance
racks would be free. Most of the flowers were donated, which was
amazing to us, food was donated, the community as a whole couldn't
have done more to help us out. During all this time, I got a phone
call from David's sister saying that we couldn't have the songs that
we picked out. They were having trouble with allowing ~Freebird~ by
Lynyrd Skynyrd. I had to go online, look up the words, then submit
that in an email to the church, then had to explain to one of the
associate pastors at the church why we wanted and needed that song.
He really went to bat for us and made sure after he understood the
significance of the song for us that we got it. We were only able to
have 4 of the 6 songs that we wanted played.
That afternoon was difficult, after getting all the clothes together
and then picking out mementos that we wanted placed in each casket; I
folded everything and placed it in a separate pile. I walked around
my dining room table and picked each momento up, closed my eyes,
envisioned who it was for in my heart and hugged it like I was hugging
them because I knew it would be with them. I was crying again, but
trying to not let my sisters see me as I was doing it. We got
everything bagged up and labeled and then delivered the clothes to the
church, then we went to the home of the friend of David's to see how
other things were going. There was a candlelight service in front of
what was left of Joanne's home that night; I didn't go because I felt
that was more for the community as a whole and I knew that I wouldn't
make it through the next two days if I went. When we got to David's
friends, we got to meet his oldest brother Johnny, and he immediately
got on my wrong side. Something was said about how adamant we were
about the music being what we wanted. I felt that we knew each one of
them very well and we knew what type of music that they would want.
We got into a heated argument and it went on for a while. It was just
not a good time to try to get us to back down on what we wanted. I
was ready to fight for anything that I knew that Joanne and the
children would want. We finally got our point across to him, or he
just gave up, I am not really sure which one. Then I was given the
job of getting pall bearers for the funeral and burial. So I start
calling people and asking, there were a lot of people that offered.
I needed a total of 18, and after making phone calls and sending
emails, I believe that I had an adequate amount. It was late when I
got home, the kids were still awake, so I talked to them for a while
and sent them to bed. The phone was still ringing, and if I thought
that I could get away with it and not freak my brother's and sister's
out, it would have been taken off the hook. How can you answer
questions about how you are when you don't feel anything. I was numb,
and very thankful for that numbness.
I didn't sleep any that night either, I sat up with my dog and cat
and ran through all the memories that I had of Joanne and the
children. I laughed and cried, I held each memory close to my heart
as it was precious and the only thing that I had left of each one of
them and something that I never wanted to forget. As I watched
another sunrise I knew that this day would be the hardest day so far.
Tonight would be the viewing or wake at the church, I was sure that
the media would be all over the place as they were trying to get phone
numbers and addresses of family members to try and get us to tell how
we were doing. We didn't know how we were doing, how were we
supposed to tell others how we were doing. We were all in deep shock,
which is a good thing, because if you weren't the pain would be
unbearable.
It was another busy day of trying to get pictures and other things
together for the evening and for the funeral. We found out that of
the 6, we would only be able to see Joanne and Melissa. I was not
looking forward to that evening. We, the immediate family, were to
meet at the church at 6pm to have some time alone together before
everyone else got there to express their deepest sympathies and
condolensces. Unfortunately most people didn't understand about the
family having time for themselves for an hour, most everyone got
there at 6. I was a little upset, but put that aside. Seeing the
six hearsts in front of the church made my blood run cold, and I
believe that it finally hit me. I kept telling myself to hold it
together that I would make it through. As we walk into the foyer of
the church to the right is the sanctuary and I see the caskets lined
long ways across the front in a semi-circle. My sister Nancy and I
walk in, I have my purse and some paperwork that I had to bring to
hand out and to give to the associate pastor.
I walk halfway up the aisle and stop. Tears were streaming down my
face and I said to myself, I can't do this. I turned around to go
back out into the foyer and as I got to the second to last pew I heard
my sister Nancy fall apart in front of Joanne's casket. My niece
Angela and her husband Chris had walked in as I was walking out and
they heard her at the same time I did. I drew everything back in and
threw my purse and all the paperwork down on the pew and turned around
and walked quickly up to my sister Nancy to make sure she was ok. She
was sobbing and Angela and Chris were standing behind her, I went up
and stood next to her and over a period of a few moments she calmed
down enough to where I felt safe leaving her. I went over to
Brandon's casket and put my hand on it where his little head was and
silently told him how much I loved him and would miss him. I
remembered all the happy memories that were Brandon. I did that down
the line with each one, Joanne was next. I spent quite a bit of time
silently talking to her as the tears streamed down my face. Jennifer
was next, then Nicole, Jesse and Melissa. I was probably in there
alone for about 25 to 30 minutes, I lost track of time. When I was
finished with Melissa I went and stood in the middle of them all and
bowed my head and prayed. I pulled myself back together and in walked
Jesse's best friend, he was looking for me. He walked up to me and
was the 3rd person to hug me since I got the news. When he hugged me
I started crying again, and he didn't let me go for a very long time.
I wiped away the tears and he wanted me to meet a friend of his, so I
walked back out to the foyer and was amazed at all the people that
were there. There were people who knew who I was, but I had no
recollection of who they were. I met the friend and then was pulled
away to someone else.
Then it was time for the family to have their time alone, it was
amazing how much our family grew during that time period. I sat there
during the time and as the tears fell prayed for us all that were left
to deal with this tragedy. I didn't know how we were going to get
through, but knew that we would have to stick together and knew that
somehow I would have to be the one that would be responsible for that
closeness. After our time together they allowed the rest of the crowd
in to pay their respects. I talked to so many people that knew Joanne
and the kids, distant cousins, friends, people that she worked for
and with, it was nice to know that they were loved by so many. As
the hours went by and the people blurred one into another, my friend
Sharon asked if she could take my youngest son Carey home with her,
he was tired and didn't want to be there. I thanked her and told her
yes. I found out later that he lost control on the way home and
cried. I felt so bad that I wasn't there for him. It was getting
close to 10 pm and people were leaving and they had to take Joanne and
the kids back to the funeral home. As they were rolling them out,
the associate pastor played Freebird for us. I stood at the back of
the church with tears rolling down my cheeks. As the song played and
they were rolling them out one by one, I heard my youngest daughter
Rebekah start sobbing at the front of the church. I couldn't get to
her, but my niece and her husband were there to hug her and be with
her.
As people were leaving I ran across David's sister and asked her where
the associate pastor was so I could give him the music to be played.
She mentioned that there would be camera's in the church during the
funeral service. I saw red and ran toward the foyer of the church. I
was upset and when I found the associate pastor I asked nicely about
camera's being allowed in the church during the funeral. He gave me
this prepared speech that they had talked to the family and the family
agreed that it would be the best thing, since everyone that wanted to
come to the funeral couldn't come to the funeral. So I asked him what
family. I was family, my brother's were standing there, they were
family. I stated loudly that we as a family had not been consulted
and that we did not want camera's in the church during the funeral.
My brother's were surprised at my outburst as I have always been the
quiet one in the family, but I was determined to do all that I could
for Joanne and the kids. I would be their voice because they didn't
have a voice anymore. He wasn't budging, so I went to find June and
Allen and told them. June confronted him and he said that whatever we
as a family wanted, we would get. I was exhausted, the stress and
not getting any sleep were slowly starting to catch up with me. It
had also caught up with my oldest son Jeffrey as he and I were talking
and he just lost control. He wanted to be alone, so I let him go in
his room and cry. He came back up later and we talked more, then he
went back to bed. The next day was going to be longer and more
stressful than the one we had just barely gotten through.
As I watched another sunrise that Saturday morning, I thought about
the day and what it would bring to us all. It would be closure for
some, but for others, it would be the beginning of living the rest
of our lives without our loved ones. I reflected on the actual date
and thought that Joanne and the children would appreciate being buried
on April Fool's Day. I went to shower and let the tears fall in the
hot steam, wishing that it had all been a cruel practical joke and
not true. I cried out to God for us all to be able to withstand the
long day ahead, to be able to move forward with our lives and learn
to live each new day without them, with substance and purpose, to
make the most of each and every new day that God would grant us. I
dressed and woke the children and Scott up. I found something in the
kitchen for the kids to eat and made coffee for myself and then
finished getting ready. We had to be at the church by 10 am, and I
was such a nervous wreck. I grabbed my box of tissues because I knew
that I would need it, and walked outside. I hadn't eaten anything
since I heard the news and I hadn't slept much either. I was shaking
from all the emotion and knew that I needed to get control of myself
so that I could be there for my children and any other's that needed
me.
I took a few deep breaths and told myself to calm down, that I could
do this. When we got to the church a very good friend was already
there and he smiled at me and asked how we were, I told him he
cleaned up very well and smiled. We walked into the church together
and I saw the one thing that I didn't want to see. Camera's in the
sanctuary, pointed straight at where the family would be sitting. I
could not believe it. My sister June and her husband walked in right
after I did and immediately found the head pastor of the church and
told him that she did not want camera's. She was very upset, and I
was extremely upset that she was having to deal with that on top of
losing her daughter. She made her wishes known, and we were having
to fight for each and every one. It was wrong. Finally she got tired
of arguing with the pastor and the police were right there waiting for
us to give the word and they would escort the media out of the church.
They were extremely happy to do it. To us this wasn't just another
news story, this was the devastating loss of 8 people that we loved
very much, and we were being treated like dirt because we refused to
be interviewed by the media, they couldn't understand why we didn't
want our 15 minutes of fame.
The family was placed in a separate room before the services were to
begin. I was again amazed at how much our family had grown over the
past few days. I was upset about the imposters being in there with
us, and it was only going to get worse. The pastor had gotten my
brother-in-law David to try to talk June into allowing the camera's
back in the church. June was adamant about them not being in there,
and I agreed fully with her. This was our time to grieve for our
family members, and I did not want it plastered all over the news.
He finally gave up and walked out. I breathed a sigh of relief and
was pleased that battle was won by our side. It was getting close to
time for us to walk into the church and it took everything I had
inside me to not break down and start sobbing. This was going to make
the nightmare of the past three days true. It was time for us to go
into the church for the funeral. We filed in and filled in the
reserved pews and had an opening prayer. It was an ok service. I
honestly wasn't impressed with the fact that the pastors that preached
the service didn't take the time to talk to us and ask us about Joanne
and the kids, all he knew was that she liked angels and that she had
a huge heart, but you could open any newspaper in the city and know
those two facts. He preached on her liking angels. I was really
disappointed in the service. I wanted a better send off for them all,
but I guess under the circumstances, we got the best that we could
have expected. Then we were to go to the cemetary for the grave side
service. Walking out behind all the caskets and watching them be
loaded into each waiting hearst was heartbreaking. I went and sat in
the car and cried silently. I don't think that I can adequately
describe how it felt to watch one after another hearst pull away from
the church and go down the street to the cemetary.
We got to the cemetary and I had to set up the music for the service.
They were playing Freebird again. The associate pastor did the
graveside service and he compared the plane crash that killed Ronnie
Van Zant with the tragedy of what we had been through, and how the
song was appropriate for what we had all been through. He should have
preached the funeral services. It was a great service that he
preached. I was happy that they finally got what they deserved. That
somehow all that we had fought for was worth it. We spent most of the
rest of the day at the cemetery talking to all the people that came,
watching the tv crews who had to stay 500 feet away from us because
the police were enforcing it strongly. I was pleased to see that.
After we left the cemetary, we met up at my brother Michael's home and
spent a long time there listening to music, someone had brought in
food and drinks, but we weren't eating much. We were talking about
Joanne and the kids, sharing laughs and good memories, trying to
figure out what would be our next step.
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| Linda Joanne Clayton Cochran.. my sister, my confidant, my very best friend |
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| Jesse Alan Cochran, Sarah Hillard, Destiny Rose Hillard |
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| Julia Nicole Cochran |
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| Jennifer Alayna Lacy |
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| Melissa Dawn Cochran |
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| Brandon Tyler Cochran |
Joanne was 37 years old when she died. She was full off life and had
a wonderful sense of humor. She loved people, could talk to anyone;
I don't think that there was a shy bone in her body. She knew what
was important, her children's happiness and well being. She worked
hard to support them, and unfortunately like most children, they
didn't appreciate her enough. Jesse was 19, he was finally starting
to mature. Sarah and Destiny were changing him and making a man out
of him. He was working and saving his money so that he could adopt
Destiny. He loved that baby, and it was refreshing to see him mature
before our eyes. Nicole was 18, and was born mature I think. She
worked and helped her mom pay bills, at one time she worked two jobs
and went to school, she was in the ap program. She was very smart,
but knew her mom needed her, so she started taking correspondence
courses and working full time. Joanne didn't want it, but Nicole was
getting pretty stressed, and like the other women in our family,
Nicole was stubborn. Melissa was 14, she was starting to appreciate
her mom with each passing year. She finally saw clearly what was
going on around her and got out of her selfish stage. She was growing
to be a wonderful lady, just like her mom. Her pictures remind me
more of Joanne than the other 3. Brandon was 6, he was full of
laughter and smiles. I loved having him spend the night with me,
because the smallest things pleased him. He could bring a smile to
your face just by smiling. Jennifer was 17, and she was the daughter
of my sister June and her husband Alan. She was goofy, funny and
sweet. I was also very close to Jennifer and she and Nicole were
pretty much inseperable. She was living with Joanne and working with
Nicole to help Joanne out. They were a tight family unit. It was
always fun to be around them, to laugh with them and to just savor
the love and happiness that was just them. They didn't have many
things, but they had each other, and that was so wonderful to
experience. They taught people that you didn't have to have a lot to
be happy, just the love and support of family and friends. I was
privileged to be able to love them and to be loved by them.
As I sit here and remember the events of those days almost 5 years
years ago it brings tears to my eyes as I relive the pain. I am still
grieving for them all, and probably will be for the rest of my life,
there are days when it is hard to move forward, but move forward I
must because that is what they would have expected from me. My life
has forever been changed, it will never be the same as it was before I
got that phone call. I loved them all so very much and I am so very
thankful that they were in my life. The tragedy of that day and the
days that followed taught me so much. It taught me to enjoy life as
much as I could, it taught me that people are so much more important
than things. I still struggle in my daily life with missing them,
the hole in my heart isn't as big as it used to be, but it is still
there. I will always miss them, but I have the memories of them to
keep me warm through the rest of my life. I have taught my children
to appreciate people more than things, that what you leave as
memories of how you treat others is more important than how many
things that you collect in this lifetime. I wish if I could get
anything across it would be to appreciate those around you, that
where you live and what you drive isn't important. Being alone with
many things is worse than being surrounded by loved ones and barely
scraping by. Appreciate what you have, when you have it, don't wait
until it is gone to realize what you had, because sadly, after it is
gone it is too late. Remember to always tell those you care about how
much they mean to you each opportunity that you have, because you
never know when that person's time on earth will be over.
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