It's a rainy, dreary Tuesday

So,  let's just say I haven't had the easiest or best last few days,  but I have been doing what I do best..  faking it..  Life is hard,  and sometimes we have to make very difficult decisions..   I just hope that I made the right one..   I hope that I didn't give up to soon..
I know if I put my focus where it should be I will get the answer I need..  I am going to make a few changes in my life..  start reading my Bible more,  praying more and trusting God more..   Relationships are hard and after you have been hurt it makes it harder to open yourself up..  I tried,  but I feel that I failed miserably..   I did everything wrong, backwards,  and every time I say,  I am going to do this one right..  but I don't;  basically I never feel that I am good enough..  so I know that I have more work to do on me..  I know deep down that I am a good person,  that I deserve to be loved and treated with the utmost respect..   but from many many years of hearing degrading things about myself I go back to that place and become that beaten, broken down person again..  all it takes is one negative remark,  one bad name and I am back in that black hole,  suffocating and trying to pull myself out..  It isn't as bad as it used to be,  but it still happens,  and I honestly don't know how to stop it from happening..  from pulling away and pushing away..  but I keep trying,  because that is what we do as humans.. we keep trying,  we don't give up and I will never give up..  This to shall pass and I will be a better person because of it.. doesn't mean I am not hurting right now,  or that I am not sad..   because I am both of those,  and I am fighting picking up my phone and either calling or sending a text.. 
But I digress..
So work has been interesting the past 5 days..  Super busy and crazy..   haven't really had to deal with a lot of crazy people,  but that is ok..  working tomorrow and Thursday night..  then I get a 3 day weekend..  the girls are disappointed,  but we are having a huge visit from some big big whigs and my reputation and a co workers reputation are on the line..  so I go into work tomorrow and pretend to be wonder woman and supergirl wrapped into one and get both my departments whipped into shape and researched and cleaned..  ahhh..  gotta clean off fingernail polish again..  I love people who do that..  not really,  they tick me off..  :)
So after a very long day today I came home and made Baked Potato Soup,  it looks good..  and well,  when you live in a home where no one hardly eats meat,  the bacon goes bad before you realize it..  so I guess when I buy it next I will bake it off and then freeze it or freeze it in smaller portions..  ahhhh..    so for those of you who want it.. here is the recipe for Baked Potato Soup..

Baked Potato Soup

4 to 5 medium baked potatoes, cooked, cooled and cubed
2 Tbsp butter
6 Tbsp olive oil
8 Tbsp flour
8 c milk,  I use skim and vege broth
8 oz cheddar cheese, shredded
salt and pepper to taste
bacon..cooked and chopped..  I never put an amount because it is how much you want..
sour cream
chives

Melt the butter in the olive oil,  then add the flour and whisk to combine, salt and pepper,  about a tsp of each.  let cook for about 2 minutes over medium heat.  don't let it burn..  Then add the milk mixture slowly,  whisking quickly as you go..  when it is mixed well bring it to a soft boil and then add the cheese and potatoes..  taste and add more salt and pepper if needed..  let cook for about 15 to 20 minutes,  then add the bacon..  can use sour cream, chives and extra cheddar cheese as garnish..

I am also making a salad with romaine hearts,  spinach,  honeycrisp apple cubed,  walnuts and dried cranberries..   yummmmmm  I like my salad with poppy seed dressing..  mmmmm

Also when I got home Saundra heated up some Apple Cider,  added a little cinnamon, cloves, ginger and nutmeg so I am enjoying that!!!  I love Apple Cider on a cold rainy day!!!

Take care all and have a fabulous rest of your day!!!  Stay warm and dry!!!